Lee Thomson

*passing the local tv station truck with its extendable dish raised
high, and a wire wrapping around it, making it look… sproingy*

Lee: put a hamster up there and pull back, you could launch it into low earth orbit
Alice: but, you like hamsters. You want to get rid of raccoons
L: true. But raccoons are larger and heavier – they wouldn't get into orbit, they'd be sub-orbital
A: and land, lightly scorched, in…?
L: Russia, depending on where we aim
A: so Russia is over-run with smoking raccoons? cool
L:
Maybe, if we dipped them in barbeque sauce, the sauce would caramelize
as they sizzled through the atmosphere, making a crunchy protective
shell?
A: it would crack on impact though
L: releasing the overheated but now protected raccoons into Russia

*a moment of reverent silence*
*Lee, unable to keep from voicing her grudge*

L:
with the credit cards they stole from my wallet, they could continue to
order solid but cheap tools that are made in Korea but sold through
Home Depot, and create a new kind of DIY havoc on the Russian populace.
Think of the garbage bin openers, the barbecue grill food extractors,
the other random things they could make!
A: *reminiscing snerk* sub-orbital raccoons!